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- 👷♂️ Long, Strong, Boring - and therefore perfect.
👷♂️ Long, Strong, Boring - and therefore perfect.
The only newsletter where balloon-popping games are treated like optimisation problems, mountains are drilled through out of spite, and bridges are praised for the radical act of working perfectly.
Hello Fellow Engineers!
Welcome to Real Civil Newsletter - the only newsletter where balloon’s are popped, mountains are drilled through out of spite, and bridges are praised for the radical act of working perfectly.
This edition we’re escalating balloon destruction with engineering efficiency, carving a railway inside the Alps because “going around” felt lazy, surviving the most accurate UK barbecue simulator ever made, and reviewing a bridge so competent it refuses to generate content. There’s a giveaway, peak stubborn infrastructure, misleading weather, and zero tolerance for architectural flair.
Read on for games, mountains, bridges, dogs, and proof that the best engineering is often the most boring - and therefore the best.
Let’s dive into it 👇
Balloon Hunter -A game about doing what engineers secretly dream of:
systematically eliminating a repetitive problem with escalating force.
You pop balloons.
You buy better tools to pop balloons faster.
You unlock new areas with more balloons, because optimisation never ends.
It’s an incremental clicker, which means it starts simple and ends with you questioning how you got here - just like infrastructure projects.
And now… the moment of significance 🥁
We’re giving away TEN copies, because one balloon popper is inefficient and ten is a proper rollout.
🎉 This week’s winners:
ape3454
seralvati
joshuewok674
nickbernhardt607
gershonorkin
madcat_8
karatejjj9
greenish.squirrel
harveybwread
ssilverleopard
Check your inbox!).
Didn’t win? Don’t worry - more giveaways are coming.
And as always: submit a bridge if you wish to appease the engineering gods (or at least delay structural judgement).
👷♂️ Truss Me, I’m an Engineer…
If you thought drilling through the Alps was impressive last week, allow me to raise you something even more unhinged: the Jungfraubahn.
This is a hand-carved railway blasted straight through the Eiger and Mönch mountains, climbing its way up to the highest railway station in Europe. Because when engineers see a mountain, the instinct is never “go around” - it’s “how do we put a train inside this?”
And yes, on the way up, the train stops mid-mountain so passengers can get out and look through windows cut directly into the rock face. Not a tunnel exit. Not a station. Just vibes and explosives.
Architects would’ve proposed a glass elevator on the outside for “aesthetic harmony.”
Engineers instead said: dynamite, drills, and we’ll solve everything else later.
Why This Is Peak Engineer Energy
Built in the late 1800s with drills, explosives, and pure engineer energy
Cut manually through solid alpine rock
Reaches over 3,400 m above sea level
Includes observation windows inside a mountain, because why not
Still operating today, proving that engineering ages beautifully
This project is what happens when engineers are left unsupervised, given rail funding, and told the mountain is “in the way.”
Huge shout-out to nrms on the Discord for the suggestion - excellent taste in infrastructure and altitude decisions. 👏
👉 If you want to contribute projects, roast bridges, or argue why architects are wrong in real time, come join the Discord.
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⚡ Cool Links
🐕🦺 Paddy’s Corner
He's soooo stealthy...
ASs a few commenters pointed out, the ‘like’ notification for this Paddy video is actually a paw!
Give it a like and see for yourself 👀
👾 Indie Game of the Week:
They made a game about grilling in the UK, and it’s disturbingly accurate - constant rain, false hope, and the unshakeable belief that this time the barbecue will work.
In Storm Grill, you are the grill, manually evaporating raindrops like an underdesigned drainage system while the forecast actively lies to you.
It’s pure engineering realism: survive longer → earn quid → upgrade → still lose to British weather.
👉 Play it free here and see if your ever-burning soul can outlast a UK summer
It’s time for a Bridge Review!
Some bridges demand attention.
Some bridges want awards.
This one just quietly does its job for decades without embarrassing anyone - disgusting behaviour, honestly.
Opened in 1997, the Confederation Bridge connects Prince Edward Island to mainland Canada across 12.9 km of open water, ice, wind, salt, and bad ideas - and it does so without drama.
Architects saw nothing to add.
Engineers saw nothing to fix.
🔧 Engineering Highlights
Designed to survive sea ice impacts, because winter is not optional
Massive concrete piers shaped to break ice, not look nice
Built for a 100-year lifespan, because rebuilding bridges is annoying
Carries traffic reliably, every day
Zero retrofits required due to “unexpected behaviour”
This is what happens when engineers are allowed to optimise for function, durability, and physics, instead of “visual storytelling.”
It’s long, strong, boring - and therefore perfect.
Final Score: 9.6 / 10
Submit your favourite bridge for the Bridge Review! |
Peace, Love and Burnt Retinas,
Matt